How Yoga came into my life, twice

My first experience with Yoga was so horrible I vowed to never step foot on a Yoga mat EVER again! Luckily I don’t always keep my own promises, but that first Yoga class almost prevented a decades long love affair and a healing practice that changed everything in my life. So what happened? Well, it was somewhere halfway through the 2000’s and a friend of mine brought me to a local Amsterdam studio, where an Indian Yogi sat on a podium at the front of the room, screaming Sanskrit names at us, mere mortals. Since this was my first Yoga class I didn’t understand a thing he was yelling, so I looked left and right to figure out what the hell was expected from me. No instructions were given, no alternatives were provided, no feeling of safety was present. Honestly, after 90 minutes of enduring this b*llsh*t, I knew for sure I was done for life with this practice. What really set me off was the end of the class, when all the bendy, stretchy & complying students were flocking around their master as if he was sent from Yogi heaven. The whole experience felt so wrong. Even though I had never been to a Yoga class before, I could not believe this was it. Where was the inclusivity? Where was the inspiration? Where was the honest relationship between a teacher and his students? I left disillusioned and ready to forget all about Yoga. It took a couple of years and lots of convincing from another friend of mine to try a Yoga class again. This time it was while living in New York. And the experience couldn’t have been more different. A  lovely, tiny woman, with a soft voice and the sweetest eyes guided us through those interesting Yoga poses. We were challenged to find out how those poses could work for us. There wasn’t a moment I didn’t feel seen or safe. I will never forget this deep sense of coming home, when moving and breathing on that Yoga studio mat. Walking out of that class, I knew something profound had shifted. It was the beginning of a practice and relationship with myself that has helped me heal many wounds and heartaches. A big part of my motivation to become a Yoga teacher & therapist has always been those two contrasting experiences which made me realise how defining our actions as a facilitator can be. And it’s the reason why I love to work with people who have never practiced Yoga before.